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Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in Eliazar The Ultraviolet's LiveJournal:

    Sunday, July 4th, 2021
    1:29 am

    Comment to be added (maybe), and be sure to tag my entry for offensive content and/or illegal activity while you're here.

    Hasta bañana.

    Sunday, December 16th, 2001
    2:09 pm
    'Tis the Season, Or Just In Case You Haven't Caught On Yet to What A Mean Mutha I Am Sometimes...
    (Lina's already heard this one, but the rest of you will get a kick out of it, and besides it's way too timely to omit...)

    One of my oldest friends is Mike, whom I've known off and on literally since I was 7 and he was 4. His mom and mine go way way back, and he and I first got thrown together when we moved onto the same block just a bit closer to the south side of Sioux Falls from where I grew up, down on Dakota Avenue right in back of a Kentucky Fried Chicken (they didn't call 'em KFC's till a couple decades later at least). Another of my mom's friends lived on the top floor of the duplex house above us with her kid, who was about the same age as both Mike and my sister so the three of them hung out a lot. Not long after, Mike and his mom moved into the place down on the opposite corner. (He turned out all right, but he was a more than a bit of a mama's boy back in the day, rather the vulnerable sort. All of us had absent fathers and were dysfunctional way back before it was trendy.)

    So one fine day, I suppose it was right around the time I turned 8 (making special note of the fact that this was actually nowhere near Christmastime), Mike and his mom were over at our house for some reason or other. I was coming around the side of the house from the backyard, and there he was walking toward me from the front. Decades later, still haven't the faintest clue exactly what gave me the impulse to do this, but I put on my most serious face, went up to him and said "Michael, I have some bad news...Santa Claus died."

    (Pausing here, to allow a moment for your reaction...)

    My memory of his actual response to the "news" remains vague, but I suppose he was pretty bummed about it, and he just continued on his way around the back of the house. I went around front, and there was his mom standing on our front porch. I immediately put on my innocent face, hoping that she hadn't overheard. She had, and boy did she ream my ass but good. (She remains one of the few people I was ever more scared of than my mom, and she's always known it too...)

    Mike's all grown now with a wife and kids of his own, but I hear from him every now and then and we still have a good laugh over this one. Given the season though, it just seemed appropriate to illustrate how much of an inclination I've always had buried in me to do mean shit like that just for the hell of it...

    I should close by also relating the fact that a few years afterward, I was in 6th grade and had the title role in our school holiday play, none other than "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". And let's not mince words here either, I was one helluva good Grinch, too...

    iblis }()+